Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Ireland Declares War On Iraq

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
--
"Hello, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
--
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
--
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
--
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
--
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
--
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
--
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
--
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
--
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
--
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
--
Once again, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
--
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
--
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
--
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
--
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
--
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a few pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
--
God Bless the Irish! Have a great day and keep on smiling!!!